Lessons learned from this week's Top Chef: "Less is more" and "It's only cheating if you get caught."

So, quickly, so we can get to the good stuff. What could top last week's weird proteins quickfire? Hors d'oeuvres! Uh. Sure, ok. On with it, then. Winner gets $20,000 plus immunity. Elbows are thrown in the scramble for proteins and amid little bits of lamb, pork and kebab, Angelo emerges as the winner. People clap politely for him (even Kenny) but you know they don't mean it. Angelo has the grace to look pleased and surprised. (Look at us! We're going sweet on Angelo, who doesn't deserve our affection. But we're a bit hard up for someone to root for this season, so it might as well be the cute one.)

Top Chef, we have a bone to pick.

How is foie gras in any way an obscure protein? When foie gras is so overexposed that it's not uncommon to see it on floating by on trays at ritzy society parties, why is it included as part of a group of "nasty proteins"?

Having never dated a chef, we're unfamiliar with the mating rituals of the kitchen-inclined. But thanks to snooping cameras, we now have proof that when chefs flirt, they engage in strange food one-upmanship. Ed is sweet on Tiffany (anytime a man says he loves a woman's laugh, he's already a goner), so he tries to impress her by trotting out his trusty time-he-ate-a-fried-crocodile story. She titters appreciatively, craning her neck just so and raising her shoulder coyly. Oh, it's on.

Last night's episode exhausted us, and we were only passive watchers. The latest pack of Top Chef wannabes were put through the proverbial wringer, cooking four dishes under threat of execution, I mean, elimination. No wonder that they were sniping bundles of nerves by the end of their day.

But we get ahead of ourselves.

It's Fourth of July week on Top Chef! Get out the sparklers and pack the picnic basket.

The chefs stream into the kitchen to face famous Jean-Georges pastry chef Johnny Iuzzini. This can only end in tears. Yep, it's a Make a Pie Quick Fire. As a preview for what Top Chef Just Desserts will be about, Johnny and Gail Simmons will supervise a pastry quick fire. (Personally, we're still patiently waiting for Top Chef Cocktails.)

Look, we know you're here to win Top Chef. You're here because you sincerely believe you have what it takes to win this competition and you're not here to make any friends. You're going to beat Angelo and Kenny because what do they know anyway? So listen: let us agree to never have to hear these platitudes again. Until then, I'll mute the first few minutes of this Top Chef episode because blah blah winning, blasé blasé competition. I already forgot what just happened.

Everybody pack into the kitchen before I turn on Netflix.

After having loved and lost, we're back again on the Top Chef scene. Cheftestant single and looking, we've had some time to recover from last season's heartbreak, when our sweethearts didn't win.

Now we're optimistically checking out a new city, and eyeing a new crop of hopefuls jousting for our heart but knowing us, we'll likely fall into the same patterns. We'll look again for someone with Jennifer Carroll's no-nonsense charm and Kevin's down home Southern sweetness. If last season's winner Michael Voltaggio was often compared to Picasso, will someone emerge as this season's Warhol?

It's the Top Chef Masters final four! If we knew anything about sports, we'd make a Sweet Sixteen bracket joke but there's a reason we're the foodie blogger.

Our four chefs Marcus, Jonathan, Susur and Rick walk in to find their cookbooks lined up next to Kelly. (Did you guys get a peek at Susur's book cover? His long hair is caught blowing in the wind, like a still shot from Highlander. Man, the more we know, the more we love this guy.)

This week's "Top Chef Masters" dealt with gods and deities. There were more than a few sacrifices, including an injury to Marcus' back, which forced him to move a little slower during the second day of the elimination challenge.

This week's Quick Fire seemed pretty hard, until I realized some wily chefs found a loophole. In a taste test challenge, chefs were presented with sauces and asked to tick off ingredients that they tasted. Susur, a self-proclaimed sauce tasting master, starts out confidently. After the other chefs are eliminated spelling bee-style, it's down to Rick and Susur. They're given a lobster sauce, which they both recognize.

We could easily frame this season's "Top Chef Master's" as a "stranger in a strange land" theme, starring Susur Lee. He's mystified by everything, yet resoundingly ebullient. Last week, he had never heard of 'The Simpsons', and this week, he's introduced to tailgating. And yet, he bounds into these new challenges fearlessly, often with a goofy grin.

Belvedere Vodka's party for its new Pink Grapefruit flavor took place in the Meatpacking district last night, where three hours of free vodka (including frozen shots) and pink-clad rollerskating models put people in a breezy mood.

Designer Matthew Williamson quipped, "I tried [the grapefruit vodka] last night for the first time. I had one too many, I think." Chelsea Handler, in town for a weekend gig at Radio City, held court on the red carpet with a drink in hand. "I have like four a day," she joked.

'Top Chef Masters' debuted a goofy Quickfire challenge last night, when each chef was charged with preparing a dish inspired by a "Simpsons" character. Show creator Matt Groening, writer Matt Selman and voice star Hank Azaria judged, with Azaria riffing in several of the character's voices. Susur Lee, who had to get tips on who this Marge Simpson was all about from a fellow chef, turned out pork chops with purple mashed potatoes in the semblance of the character. All the dishes, including an Indian lunch for Apu and a dessert dish for Moe, were happily chowed down. Rick Moonen, who snuck in shrimp instead of beef for a Homer-inspired "sloppy joe" with truffle chips took the day's win.

In less than five episodes, Bravo's Top Chef Masters has decimated its list of chef hopefuls, winnowing contestants by 14 chefs. Only eight remained for the final Champions round which kicked off last night.

There was a lot of excitement in this episode, and a palpable sense of anxiety (finally!) as the group literally scampers from pantry to cutting boards to stoves.

When Andy Cohen told us that "some very intense people" made it through to the Top Chef Masters Champions round, he wasn't kidding. Cohen was clearly referring to Susur Lee, who has a samurai-esque ponytail and likens chefs to ninjas and kung fu masters. This guy, in a word, is awesome.

But first: this week's contenders include Maria Hines, Rick Tramonto, Jody Adams and Debbie Gold. This week's Quickfire challenge was to stylize a fruit plate, with the winner moving on to the Champions round. Figs are roasted, walnut tarts are baked, and pineapple is turned into a ravioli. Rialto's Jody Adams takes the win with her fig and walnut tart.

We took our "Top Chef Masters" complaints straight to the top last night, corralling Bravo's senior vice president of original programming and development, Andy Cohen, on the red carpet for the National Magazine Awards at Lincoln Center.

Look, we said, we love seeing star chefs face off against each other in the tried-and-true "Top Chef" format, but there's been an inconsistent lack of drama that a typical episode featuring Robin and Eli bickering might provide. We asked Cohen whether he could, you know, jazz up the show a bit.

Long ago, we went on a date with a strikingly gorgeous creature, only to blurt out that we'd really just to prefer to look at them, not hear them speak. (There wasn't a second date.)

That's a bit how we would describe our feelings for Ludo Lefebvre, who, along with five other Top Chef Masters Season One-ers returned last night. On the one hand, he's tall, dark, and dreamy. On the other, where's the mute button? Oh, wait, they added subtitles. We can't win. (To be fair, most of the time, Ludo appears to be joking but then there are the moments when he's rather insufferable. We are, however, very open-minded and quite willing to test any theories that Chef Lefebvre is tres charmant in person.)

Top Chef Masters' second episode was a lot more watchable than the premiere, with a come-from-behind, against-the-odds surprise win. Chef Carmen Gonzalez lost her food (and precious preparation time) when, upon arriving at the elimination challenge, she realized she had to drive back in Los Angeles traffic to the Top Chef kitchen to pick up the stew she'd left behind.

But we get ahead of ourselves. In this week's lineup, three New York-based chefs (Gonzalez, Aquavit's Marcus Samuelsson and David Burke) faced off against Houston's Monica Pope and Seattle's jolly Thierry Rautureau.

We struggled to stay awake during the last fifteen minutes of last night's "Top Chef Masters" premiere. Sure, it was nearly midnight and we're creaky old people, but it's worth mentioning because it points to a longstanding complaint about the series.

The show, which features established chefs competing against each other in its tried-and-true "Top Chef" format, sounds like a great idea on paper but in action... it's a bit of snooze. Last night's chefs included Tony Mantuano (chef of Spiaggia, also known as Obama's favorite Chicago restaurant), Govind Armstrong (of L.A.'s 8oz Burger Bar) and Oleana's Ana Sortun. Because we are New York snobs and we immediately favor anyone whose restaurant we have visited, we threw our karma behind The Red Cat's Jimmy Bradley (we live for his zucchini appetizer). Poppy's Jerry Traunfeld and Street's Susan Feniger round out the first cast of six.

See what happens when I go on vacation? Speakeasy's Top Chef favorite, Jen Carroll, gets kicked off. I take full responsibility. As the Top Chef Las Vegas finale kicked off, we threw our support behind Kevin, as he and the Voltaggio brothers meet Padma and Tom in a lush vineyard to receive final instructions.

I so dearly wished that last night's "Top Chef" had featured a Turducken, that unholy dish that could serve as the illustration of "gluttony" in a dictionary or, at least, Wikipedia. The remaining Top Cheffers were whipped into shape by one Gavin Kaysen, of Cafe Boulud and "Iron Chef" fame. Kaysen challenged our bedraggled bunch to look lively, and produce, in 90 minutes, a protein stuffed with two proteins, also known as a ballotine. "Like a Turducken!," I squeaked, just as Jen said she was considering making one. Alas, she was joking, but I was happy she flashed some of that personal charm that I haven't seen in a few episodes now.

On its surface, last night's "Top Chef" was the inevitable "Robin Finally Goes Home" episode that we've all been waiting for. But when it finally came, and even Robin saw it coming a mile away, it felt more like climbing atop a wheezing train rather than boarding an express to the final four. Why? Our girl Jen Carroll, who by all means needs to take her Final Four place alongside Kevin and the Voltaggios, seems to have given up on herself. It's apparent to Speakeasy, Andy Cohen and Tom Colicchio, who in a Tim Gunn-ish moment last night, suggested that she'd hit a wall. (Cue Jen telling Kevin, "I'm ready to go.")

It's episode 10 and our chefs are looking bedraggled, showing signs of long nights, stress and constant drama on their no-longer fresh faces. We're feeling their pain a bit, too. After Restaurant Wars' fireworks, episode 10 was one long denouement.

Speakeasy's erstwhile favorite, Jen, is looking in sore need of sleep and a day spa, and appears to never have fully recovered from her bout of sickness during the "Cooking at Home" episode. Certain shades of limelight can just wreck a girl's complexion.

If we knew anything about gambling, we'd make a crack about "Top Chef: Las Vegas: upping the ante with the "Restaurant Wars" episode. Let's just simply say that Restaurant Wars was packed with stomach-clenching drama, making it the best episode of the season.

In this week's Quick Fire, sustainability guru Rick Moonen challenges the top eight into a cooking relay race, where each chef is given 10 minutes before having to hand off their dish to the next in line. The catch: no speaking and no watching (the waiting chefs wear blindfolds until their turn). Jennifer, Kevin, Mike Isabella and Laurine take on Michael and Bryan, Eli and Robin. To no one's surprise, Robin was picked last for teams. "I'm the mom here," Robin says, sounding exactly like our mom does when she's aggravating her children. "They're stuck with me."

For all of "Top Chef's" classiness, wherein it values work ethic over tackiness, it occasionally veers straight into Reality TV Cliche Land, which I guess is somewhat enjoyable, if it also calls to mind a certain failure of imagination.

We open the show with the contestants contemplating their own mortality. Mike Voltaggio will rise again from the bottom, he vows; Eli calls his mom, admits on national TV that he's a 25-year-old adult male that lives with his parents to save on rent, and Robin explains how she bounced back from cancer.

If last week was the Dividing Into Two Camps episode, last night's Top Chef was the Hubris episode. You know the one, where a series front-runner is cut off at the knees by a metaphorical Jeff Gillooly, and they are forever changed and humbled (for at least for two episodes' worth).

The producers tip their hand within seconds of opening, as we hear Ash wax on his boycrush Michael V. in tones typically reserved for the likes of a teen Joey McIntyre. Ash also confides his insecurity over not having attended culinary school. (More on both of these topics later.)

A handful of former "Top Chef" contestants gathered in Midtown last night to hawk the latest in Top Chef-ware, including knives, a Quickfire wine and a Quickfire cookbook. (Personally, we may have lingered too long over the coming "Top Chef" game, which combines a Trivial Pursuit-type format with little knife play pieces.)

Amid the cocktail chatter, we cornered a few cheftestants with two pressing questions: Who is your favorite Season 6 chef? What's your reaction to Gourmet magazine's closing?

Season five's Ariane Duarte professed her love for Kevin and Jennifer Carroll, calling Carroll "tough" and "talented." Top Chef Master's Anita Lo gave the nod to Jennifer, saying that Carrroll was a friend of a friend at Le Bernadin. "I'm rooting for Kevin," season five winner Stephanie Izzard confided. "He seems real sweet and genuine. I like his personality."

There's always that inevitable turning point in reality TV shows, especially in competition shows, where the contestants divide themselves into Those Who Deserve To Be Here and The Other Ones. That moment arrived within minutes into last night's Top Chef Las Vegas episode, when the cheftestants, still smarting from Mattin Noblia's expulsion, donned red bandannas in homage to the cute Frenchman. (There were that many red bandannas to go around? Really? Huh.)

It was no small dig at Robin, who is squarely in the Others camp, along with sweet but clueless Ron, Laurine and, increasingly, Ash. (Eli and Ashley drift between either camp, kind of like Juliet from 'Lost.') But it's clear, based on force of personality as well as winning records, that Jennifer, the Volt brothers, Mike Isabella and Kevin are the dominant clique.

As much as shows like Top Chef posture that they're all about the work, they're really about the personalities within the show. Although it takes place within a niche workplace like a high-end kitchen, viewers are bound to recognize characters that resemble people in their own lives. Which is why I was vindicated when the judges finally booted Preeti last night. She reminded me of those bland people who are perpetually two years too late but are too dull to realize just how provincial they really are.

Top Chef Las Vegas dug deep, like Old Testament-deep, for last night's themes. Maybe producers took a hint from the original dueling brothers -- whose fates, if you remember, didn't turn out so well -- for their approach to shooting siblings Michael and Bryan. The two appear to view the world only through the prism of sibling rivalry. Given that we're only two episodes into the season, the "beating my brother" this and "losing to my brother" that banter is already wearing thin. But given that both Brothers Voltaggio are distinguishing themselves from the pack with strong, thoughtful dishes, the rivalry trope ain't going anywhere soon.

The Top Chef Masters finale wrapped up in a sweet bow last night, in keeping with a season of overall chivalry and camaraderie. (TCM's inherent good nature was never more sharply in relief than by playing after the new Top Chef Las Vegas, with its naked ambition and rock n' roll swagger.)

For the final challenge, the final three chefs (Hubert Keller, Michael Chiarello and Rick Bayless) faced what I've termed the "Ratatouille" challenge, after the moment in the Pixar movie in which the cold critic is catapulted back to his youth with one forkful of food. That epiphany is the golden moment sought by many chefs, as they seek to create not so much dishes, as savory food experiences.

Well! Bravo trailers, all is forgiven. You promised a fight, and delivered. But first:

The final four chefs (Anita Lo, Hubert Keller, Michael Chiarello and Rick Bayless) meet their final QuickFire challenge. They have to identify 20 ingredients while blind-folded. It's harder than it looks, considering that Mexican food savant Bayless didn't recognize mangoes while Anita Lo couldn't remember hoisin sauce. Chiarello wins the challenge, gets himself five stars.

At the start of last night's "Top Chef Masters," at least one chef was starting to show the signs of the competition's wear and tear. There are only five chefs left: Anita Lo, Art "Food is Love" Smith, Hubert Keller, Michael Chiarello and Ricky Bayless.

The first part of Top Chef Masters' finale kicked off last night as the six semi-finalists met for the first time. They were Anita Lo, Art Smith, Hubert Keller, Suzanne Tracht, Michael Chiarello and Rick Bayless.

Just as the chefs were settling in, Top Chef host Tom Colicchio made a semi-grand entrance to kick off the Quickfire Challenge: two teams of three had to race against the clock to butcher four chickens, shuck 15 oysters, dice five onions and beat five eggs whites so they held upside down for five seconds. The race was tight until the final round when Rick Bayless, who said he had taught pastry classes, pulled ahead of Art Smith with a masterful whipped egg whites. Smith quipped that Bayless had all but morphed into a kitchen appliance.

Bravo's Top Chef Master's trailers need to be a little more honest. Last week's trailer, which quoted Chef Art Smith's "I'm going to own this show" and "I can teach you a few things," suggested a new level of cattiness, when in fact, Chef Smith turned out to be a twinkly-eyed Santa-type, or as competitor Jonathan Waxman called him, "a big honey bear." (When the quotes aired, it was clear that Chef Smith was playfully joking.)

The last TCM episode before the final showdown was as far from a cat-fight as a show could be. Even the critics, at the episode's end, remarked how awed they were by the mutual support and admiration displayed.

"Top Chef Masters" is finally starting to heat up, with each new episode a little more nail-bitingly edited than the last. If that's the trend, here's hoping the final face-off will deliver.

Enter this week's competitors: RM Seafood's Rick Moonen (Las Vegas), the French Culinary Institute's Nils Noren (NYC), Frasca's Lachlan Mackinnon Patterson (Boulder) and Bottega's Michael Chiarello (Napa Valley).

Somewhere, Wylie Dufresne must be cursing his luck. The booted cheftestant of Top Chef Masters episode two might have been a contender in last night's "Magic Chefs" episode, which played to two of his strengths: eggs and avant garde technique and presentation. Alas.

What does a Frenchman know about making quesadillas? After the latest "Top Chef Masters" teased the question in its preview, it was clear this would be the episode's main source of tension.

The contestants on this week's "Top Chef Masters" episode were familiar to regular viewers of the show: They had all been judges in past episodes.

Wylie Dufresne (of New York's wd-50 restaurant) was joined by Suzanne Tracht (of L.A.'s Jar restaurant), Elizabeth Falkner (of San Francisco's Citizen Cake) and Graham Elliot Bowles, owner of Graham Elliot in Chicago.

Bravo, you got me. All of your ads for "Top Chef: Masters" -- the new, celebrity superchef version of the network's popular foodie reality show -- had me envisioning the "cheftestants" dueling with toques, sharp knives and even sharper wits. "Iron Chef", but with 24 competitors, if you will.

Toasting local foods and culinary artisans, the nation's top chefs and foodies gathered Sunday night for the 2008 James Beard Foundation Awards at Lincoln Center.