Long ago, we went on a date with a strikingly gorgeous creature, only to blurt out that we'd really just to prefer to look at them, not hear them speak. (There wasn't a second date.) That's a bit how we would describe our feelings for Ludo Lefebvre, who, along with five other Top Chef Masters Season One-ers returned last night. On the one hand, he's tall, dark, and dreamy. On the other, where's the mute button? Oh, wait, they added subtitles. We can't win. (To be fair, most of the time, Ludo appears to be joking but then there are the moments when he's rather insufferable. We are, however, very open-minded and quite willing to test any theories that Chef Lefebvre is tres charmant in person.)

As Wylie Dusfresne, Mark Peel, Jonathan Waxman, Graham Eliot Bowles and Rick Moonen join Ludo, they remark on Top Chef Masters Lessons Learned. Keep your cool. Mind the clock. Don't be intimidated. (The chefs promptly forgot their own advice.)

The chefs are rounded up for a lesson in cocktails. (Now we're talking!) Their cocktail-dish pairings were promptly served to Gael Greene, who has 40 years of food criticism behind her and... the Real Housewives of Orange County, who... never mind. The Wives asked for frozen yogurt, didn't recognize ginger and couldn't pronounce edamame. In the back room, the chefs watch hopelessly. "They really have no idea what they are f**ing talking about," Ludo growls sexily. "That's sad that people like that judge us." We fall a little bit in love.

Next elimination challenge: Make British pub food upscale. When the chefs had to each pick a dish, Ludo and Rick, a famous seafood guy, argue over who can do fish & chips. Ludo backs down, takes Irish stew, while grumbling that if he can't do French food, the seafood guy shouldn't be able to take on a fish dish.

Ludo's Irish stew, which he claims looks like a piece of art, is roundly rejected by the judges. But it's poor Mark Peel, who falls before the slayer of many Top Chef would-bes: the unpredictable oven. He's chagrined to serve his undercooked seafood Yorkshire pudding. When he's only given one star by the guests, he says it hurts. Graham's steak-and-kidneys, Wylie's bangers-and-mash and Rick's fish & chips do well but don't take the prize. Jonathan Waxman, who stirs up a bit of envy for finishing 20 minutes before everyone (20 minutes!), cleans up the most stars for his simple shepard's pie.

Even as Waxman takes the win, the producers still can't take their eyes off Ludo, who is given the closing moments of the show to ramble, "I lost. I know that but I do not regret it because it was Ludo." What can we even say to that? No idea. We can only sigh, "Oh, Ludo."